I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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