I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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