I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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