So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
