I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
