remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
