Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
