and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
