yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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