OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
