Buhtt sex?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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