I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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