I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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