You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
