That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
