She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
