Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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