i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
