guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
