you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize