No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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