He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
