i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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