I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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