i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize