Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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