I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
