Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
