You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
