I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
