Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
