i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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