The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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