I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
