I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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