please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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