god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
