I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
