she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
