I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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