wrigley field is MILF paradise
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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