just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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