your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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