No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
