ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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