I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
