The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
