The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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