yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
