He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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