I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
