my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
