just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
