There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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