I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
