And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
