He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
