Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
