you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
