i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We need to get me chipped asap
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
