I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
