you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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