I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
from now on my penis is your penis
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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