Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
