I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
