Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
