whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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