i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
